A Transforming Gaze

She had run out of options. She had gone everywhere for help and found none. She had spent all her money and received nothing. No answers, no healing, no hope. Empty-handed, hurting, and desperate for help. That is how she came, the woman with a hemorrhage that would not stop (Mark 5:24-34).

In what may have been her last attempt for a cure, this nameless woman came to Jesus. And that’s exactly what she hoped to remain: nameless, unseen, in and out without hassle. As the crowd pressed in and Jesus passed by, she silently reached out. She hoped any contact with Him would bring healing. So with ferocity of faith she extended her hand.

And in an instant it happened. Years of misery ended. It seemed she had gotten what she came for and escaped unnoticed. Jesus, however, wanted to know who He had healed. He didn't want to provide an impersonal miracle. He wanted to see her face. Or maybe He wanted her to see His face looking at hers, His eyes penetrating into her broken heart, “You are loved. You are whole.”

I wonder if this is what He wants for you and me to experience as well. We too have a rupture, a spiritual tear. We bleed sin inside with nothing to stop its flow. This same sin has eroded our clotting devices. And often we spend our time, money, and energy looking to the physicians of comfort and security (money, relationships, sex, food, career, the "good life") and come away empty-handed and unchanged. We feel desperate for hope, for a cure for our empty and longing hearts, for a remedy for our self-centered and self-seeking ways. We have but one option left, Jesus.

Much like this woman reached out for His cloak, we only have to gaze upon Christ’s sacrifice in faith and be healed. In Him, God delivered us from our sin disease. Our penalty paid in full. The hemorrhage of sin ceased. But just like Jesus didn’t let this woman slip away unnoticed, He calls out to us. He beckons us to look up and see His merciful and compassionate eyes staring back, “You are clean. You are forgiven. You are loved.”

And it is this knowledge that sets free, that transforms. Paul writes, “But we all with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit” (II Cor 3:18). By looking into the mirror-image of God in Christ, His love changes us. We know we are known and still desired.

If you, like me, find yourself yearning for heart change, perhaps we need to spend more time gazing into the eyes of Christ. Let us, like this woman, find the courage to come despite our shame, discomfort and fear. May we echo with the psalmist, “When you said, ‘Seek My face,’ my heart said to You, ‘Your face, O LORD, I shall seek’” (Ps 27:8).

Transforming Questions

Recently I read Sue Monk Kidd’s When the Heart Waits. In this book she discusses the importance of creatively waiting in dark, painful times, so that a transformed life will eventually come forth, much like a cocoon gives birth to a butterfly. In particular, she mentions the artistic usefulness of questions, of allowing ourselves the freedom to ask and to ponder.

I find this thought liberating. I have what seems like a million questions that I tend to run from. I get bogged down in the unknown. I don’t like feeling lost, confused, helpless. Existential questions remind me of my limited understanding as a human being in God’s created universe.

I agree with Kidd that the notion of asking questions is central in our transformation. Questions prompt seeking and seeking leads to discovery and discovery reveals God. Jesus put it this way, “Seek and you shall find.”

But there is something vulnerable in asking questions. We must admit that we do not know it all, that we need another to help us make sense of ourselves, of our lives, and the life we encounter. We seek out of weakness, out of human frailty, out of God-ordained dependency.

Maybe then we shouldn’t let our questions hinder us. Perhaps they are clues along the road, leading us to the ultimate prize, directing us toward heaven, guiding us to the arms of God.

While seeking can be frightening, it’s worth the risk. Once we release ourselves to the journey we feel freer, purposeful, more ourselves. And if we seek, we shall find. When we discover Him, His light will bring our hearts hope, peace, new life. Though we encounter Him on this life's journey, the reality remains that the cocoon of earth will veil our eyes until the day Christ calls us forth to into His presence once for always, where forever we will receive knowledge, understanding, discovery.


Clues for the journey:
What does it mean to live, to truly live?
What is the abundant life of which Christ speaks?
How do I walk by the Spirit?
What does He expect of me, one made of dust with a heart bent on rebellion against Him?
Does He know the struggle of sin that rages on in my heart?
Does He expect me to struggle?
Is He okay with the struggle?
What does God feel?