The Heart of Forgiveness: Forgiving With Joy

When someone wrongs me, whether it’s something slight like a driver cutting me off in traffic or something severe like a break in relationship, I want back what was taken. I don’t naturally enjoy forgiving people. I often would rather not show mercy at all. I want back my pride, the ease of friendship, a good reputation, the opportunity to succeed, the promise of love. And often I would like a little interest too, like a dinner, flowers, a kind note of apology.

When I pause and read what I’ve just written, I don’t like it. I wish I had written, “I love to forgive! Cut me off in traffic, and I will bless you! I overflow with grace!” Instead I struggle to set people free who owe me, especially if the debt is deep. I feel the pull between the old me who demands retribution and the new me who longs to love like God.

And I don’t think I’m alone. I think all of us, as broken humanity, struggle to have a heart that actually delights to forgive. Who wants to joyfully grant grace to the parent who was never there? Or the co-worker who betrayed you? The husband who left? The friend who turned on you? The prodigal child who ran away? While we may know we ought to forgive, our hearts seem to resist doing so.

Even Peter, a disciple of Jesus, felt something similar. Having heard Jesus previously teach that he should forgive he presses Him asking, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times” (Matt 18:21)? Surely there is a limit, and Peter wants to know exactly how many times he has to forgive. 

While Peter probably assumed the number seven was gracious, Jesus responds, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt 18:22). In answering this way, Jesus unveils Peter’s heart. He reveals that Peter’s motive to forgive is not love but duty. 

With His response Jesus contrasts Peter’s stingy heart with God’s gracious heart. Unlike us, God does delight to forgive. Paul writes “For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross” (Col 1:19, 20b). Pardoning those who wronged Him brings God joy. And, as His children, He desires that we have hearts like His that don’t find forgiveness a burdensome task but a joyful opportunity (Eph 4:32). 

But this does not make forgiveness easy or painless. Though God delighted to forgive us, the rebel race of image bearers, doing so cost Him. He would never experience Adam and Eve choosing Him instead of the fruit. He would never get back all the times you and I could have reflected His glory but chose our own instead. In deciding to forgive us, God bore the loss and paid the payment for our sins through the death of His Son (Col 2:13, 14). This is a cost greater than we will ever know.

And it is because Jesus has borne the sin of the world, paying off not only our debt but the debt of those who wronged us, we can move toward others with mercy. But we know our hearts. We know the pain of being overlooked, left out, ignored, betrayed, abandoned. And it just doesn’t feel right to grant mercy when we have hurt like that. Something, perhaps, we should do, but definitely not what we want to do. So how can we develop a heart that, like our gracious God, wants to forgive those who have wronged us? 

While there are certainly other practices we can and should employ, I believe we ought to begin with prayer. Think of someone who has wronged you in some way, whether a neighbor, friend, colleague, boss, family member, and practice praying the following: 

• Pray for a heart that delights in forgiving (Ezek 36:26). It is our hearts that desperately need changing, for it is from our hearts our motives and actions flow.
• Pray for the person who wronged you, hurt you, stole from you (Matt 5:44). Don’t just pray for revenge, but try interceding for them as you would a friend. 
• Pray and meditate on the great mercy God had on you. Ponder the depth of your sin and the extent to which God has shown you grace. For those who are forgiven much love much (Lk 7:47).

Think now of how our families would be impacted if we happily gave grace for the joy of restored relationship. Or how our work places might be impacted if we willingly let go of grudges. Or how marriages might strengthen with such security in mercy. Imagine what kind of light Christians could shine if we become people who delight to forgive.

Santa and Jesus

Jesus is coming to town. You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so please—be good. He’s making a list, checking it twice, going to find out if you’re naughty or nice. Jesus is coming to town.

Don’t we often live like Jesus is Santa Claus? Like children who want gifts instead of coal, we think we can convince God to save us by our good deeds. We attend church, give our change to the Salvation Army, pay our taxes, abstain from wine, obey the 10 Commandments. We work hard to be good, to right our wrongs, to keep our behavior excellent under His watchful eye.

But the message of Jesus differs dramatically from the reward system of Santa. If God had a good and bad list, He would write all our names under “Bad” (Is 53:6; Rom 3:10-18). None of us is good enough to warrant any presents from Him. And the punishment we deserve far surpasses a lump of coal.

But while Santa has a list, God has a book, the Book of Life. In this book are written all the names of those to receive the gift of eternal life (Rev 21:27). To get your name in this book, you have need of one thing only: grace.

At Christmastime we remember the baby Jesus born to live for God and die a sinner’s death. He, the Son of God in human form, took upon Himself our sins, those actions and rebellious attitudes against God and humanity that put us on the “bad” list. At the cross He bore the penalty for us. In His Son’s life, death and resurrection, God offered forgiveness, pardon, and redemption. Grace.

Because of His great love, God sent us this most marvelous gift wrapped in swaddling clothes. His message is not one of judgment according to a good/bad list, but a message of salvation (John 3:16-18) to all who believe. Grace.

To unwrap this beautiful gift we need only have faith. We believe with our hearts, profess with our mouths, confess that Jesus is our Savior (Rom 10:9, 10). Grace.

Since then salvation comes through God’s grace alone, let us stop living as if He is a type of Santa Claus. Why do we think that somehow our behavior will influence His favor toward us? The way of Santa is the way of the law, which Christ fulfilled and did away with ushering in the new covenant (Rom 8:1-4; Heb 8). The Gift has already been given, God’s favor on us bestowed. It is ours to receive, taking hold of Him through faith.

Instead of trying to gain God’s favor through our efforts, we need to rest in His mercy through Christ. Jesus labored for us, giving us what we could never earn. And as we tarry in His grace, His mercy and love will transform our hearts (Col 2:6).

So then let’s again rewrite the old Christmas tune.

Jesus came to town. He was watching out. He heard your cries. He never uttered a pout. He still sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake. He knows you’ve been bad but He’s been good for you, so please—trust in Him. He has the Book of Life, offering eternal life, the work is already done, take and receive, rest in His mercy. The Savior came to town.