The Heart of Forgiveness: Forgiving With Joy

When someone wrongs me, whether it’s something slight like a driver cutting me off in traffic or something severe like a break in relationship, I want back what was taken. I don’t naturally enjoy forgiving people. I often would rather not show mercy at all. I want back my pride, the ease of friendship, a good reputation, the opportunity to succeed, the promise of love. And often I would like a little interest too, like a dinner, flowers, a kind note of apology.

When I pause and read what I’ve just written, I don’t like it. I wish I had written, “I love to forgive! Cut me off in traffic, and I will bless you! I overflow with grace!” Instead I struggle to set people free who owe me, especially if the debt is deep. I feel the pull between the old me who demands retribution and the new me who longs to love like God.

And I don’t think I’m alone. I think all of us, as broken humanity, struggle to have a heart that actually delights to forgive. Who wants to joyfully grant grace to the parent who was never there? Or the co-worker who betrayed you? The husband who left? The friend who turned on you? The prodigal child who ran away? While we may know we ought to forgive, our hearts seem to resist doing so.

Even Peter, a disciple of Jesus, felt something similar. Having heard Jesus previously teach that he should forgive he presses Him asking, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times” (Matt 18:21)? Surely there is a limit, and Peter wants to know exactly how many times he has to forgive. 

While Peter probably assumed the number seven was gracious, Jesus responds, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt 18:22). In answering this way, Jesus unveils Peter’s heart. He reveals that Peter’s motive to forgive is not love but duty. 

With His response Jesus contrasts Peter’s stingy heart with God’s gracious heart. Unlike us, God does delight to forgive. Paul writes “For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross” (Col 1:19, 20b). Pardoning those who wronged Him brings God joy. And, as His children, He desires that we have hearts like His that don’t find forgiveness a burdensome task but a joyful opportunity (Eph 4:32). 

But this does not make forgiveness easy or painless. Though God delighted to forgive us, the rebel race of image bearers, doing so cost Him. He would never experience Adam and Eve choosing Him instead of the fruit. He would never get back all the times you and I could have reflected His glory but chose our own instead. In deciding to forgive us, God bore the loss and paid the payment for our sins through the death of His Son (Col 2:13, 14). This is a cost greater than we will ever know.

And it is because Jesus has borne the sin of the world, paying off not only our debt but the debt of those who wronged us, we can move toward others with mercy. But we know our hearts. We know the pain of being overlooked, left out, ignored, betrayed, abandoned. And it just doesn’t feel right to grant mercy when we have hurt like that. Something, perhaps, we should do, but definitely not what we want to do. So how can we develop a heart that, like our gracious God, wants to forgive those who have wronged us? 

While there are certainly other practices we can and should employ, I believe we ought to begin with prayer. Think of someone who has wronged you in some way, whether a neighbor, friend, colleague, boss, family member, and practice praying the following: 

• Pray for a heart that delights in forgiving (Ezek 36:26). It is our hearts that desperately need changing, for it is from our hearts our motives and actions flow.
• Pray for the person who wronged you, hurt you, stole from you (Matt 5:44). Don’t just pray for revenge, but try interceding for them as you would a friend. 
• Pray and meditate on the great mercy God had on you. Ponder the depth of your sin and the extent to which God has shown you grace. For those who are forgiven much love much (Lk 7:47).

Think now of how our families would be impacted if we happily gave grace for the joy of restored relationship. Or how our work places might be impacted if we willingly let go of grudges. Or how marriages might strengthen with such security in mercy. Imagine what kind of light Christians could shine if we become people who delight to forgive.

Distressed But Full of Joy

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls” (I Pet 1:6-9).

Marital conflict. Job loss. Cancer diagnosis. Defiant children. Car accident. These and many other trials fill our weeks, months, and sometimes, years. And as they beat down upon us, they test not only our character, but our faith. Will we keep trusting God? Can we believe He will see us through? Will we dare to keep hoping?

Peter, like to the men and women he wrote, was separated from friends and family, enduring harsh persecution (v.1). And yet he describes the possibility of joy inexpressible in the midst of such suffering. How, I wonder?

Peter directs our attention to God's salvation. It seems he longed for those scattered abroad, and for us, to so prize God’s grace, to look beyond what is seen and temporal to Christ's final return, that we not only endure life's trials, but that we do so with joy that abounds.

But we often mistake happiness for joy. While happiness comes from the feeling we have when life is good, joy remains in the shifting of circumstances, even in the presence of pain.

It’s difficult, though, if not impossible, to feel joy when we feel anxious. Joy results from trust and confidence; anxiety, contrarily, often results from insecurity and uncertainty. Peter, and all believers, can express inexpressible joy because of Christ. No matter the circumstance, He remains faithful and our salvation secure.

Many days, however, my hope is not fixed completely on the grace to be brought to me at the return of Christ (I Pet 1:13). In difficult times, I often place my hope in improved circumstances. I begin to demand too much from this world, to set my heart on secure employment, enjoyment of friends and family, a rich church community.

It's not wrong to long for these good gifts. But to have a life of worry, stress and even despair reveals a heart that is not consumed with the love and grace of God. It exposes a heart that needs adjusting.

So what do you feel stressed and anxious about? Can you identify a current trial that may be challenging your faith?

Let us, as Peter exhorts, cast our worries upon Christ knowing He cares for us (I Pet 5:7) as proven at the cross. And let us yearn for His return more than we long for the comfort and riches of this world. May we enter into His joy by clinging to His enduring love and abiding presence that sustains us on this often rocky journey home.

Give Me Happiness, er, I Mean Joy

Often times I confuse happiness with joy. I’ve heard the differences between the two emotional experiences from pastors and teachers, but I still find it difficult to alter my desires. I want happiness more than I want joy. See, happiness tends to be based on our circumstances, whereas, joy occurs in spite of our surroundings. Most days, I want peace in my world, not just peace in my heart.

But I must face reality. God assures us we will struggle while on earth. I cannot trust then that I will find happiness. Perhaps there is more to joy than I realize.

Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, was a man well acquainted with grief and with joy. He had a sense of peace, contentment, well-being that sustained him more than his circumstances rattled him. Daily Paul faced trials such as beatings, imprisonments, hunger, poverty, shipwrecks. Yet he had peace. He had hope. He had assurance.

In his letter to the Philippians he shines the light on his pathway to joy. He writes, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (4:13). His source of contentment? His relationship with Jesus.

Many of us have experienced relationships that gave us strength to endure struggles. Perhaps a close friend, parent, mentor, coach, spouse. Paul had the relationship of all relationships. He knew intimately the Son of God.

Knowing Jesus surpasses the experience we have with our closest connections on earth. In making Him our travel guide, spending time with Him in His Word and in prayer, relying on the mystery of His Spirit in us, we too can have enduring joy through any and all trials.

James, the half-brother of Jesus, says, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials; knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (1:2-3). In all trials then we can experience this peace and joy that surpasses knowledge.

Life brings pain. Christ brings joy. We receive it as we learn to walk through life clinging to His hand.

Thought for the day: What are some circumstances in your life that have you down? How can you enter into the presence of Christ with your struggles?