The Heart of Forgiveness: Forgiving With Joy

When someone wrongs me, whether it’s something slight like a driver cutting me off in traffic or something severe like a break in relationship, I want back what was taken. I don’t naturally enjoy forgiving people. I often would rather not show mercy at all. I want back my pride, the ease of friendship, a good reputation, the opportunity to succeed, the promise of love. And often I would like a little interest too, like a dinner, flowers, a kind note of apology.

When I pause and read what I’ve just written, I don’t like it. I wish I had written, “I love to forgive! Cut me off in traffic, and I will bless you! I overflow with grace!” Instead I struggle to set people free who owe me, especially if the debt is deep. I feel the pull between the old me who demands retribution and the new me who longs to love like God.

And I don’t think I’m alone. I think all of us, as broken humanity, struggle to have a heart that actually delights to forgive. Who wants to joyfully grant grace to the parent who was never there? Or the co-worker who betrayed you? The husband who left? The friend who turned on you? The prodigal child who ran away? While we may know we ought to forgive, our hearts seem to resist doing so.

Even Peter, a disciple of Jesus, felt something similar. Having heard Jesus previously teach that he should forgive he presses Him asking, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times” (Matt 18:21)? Surely there is a limit, and Peter wants to know exactly how many times he has to forgive. 

While Peter probably assumed the number seven was gracious, Jesus responds, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt 18:22). In answering this way, Jesus unveils Peter’s heart. He reveals that Peter’s motive to forgive is not love but duty. 

With His response Jesus contrasts Peter’s stingy heart with God’s gracious heart. Unlike us, God does delight to forgive. Paul writes “For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross” (Col 1:19, 20b). Pardoning those who wronged Him brings God joy. And, as His children, He desires that we have hearts like His that don’t find forgiveness a burdensome task but a joyful opportunity (Eph 4:32). 

But this does not make forgiveness easy or painless. Though God delighted to forgive us, the rebel race of image bearers, doing so cost Him. He would never experience Adam and Eve choosing Him instead of the fruit. He would never get back all the times you and I could have reflected His glory but chose our own instead. In deciding to forgive us, God bore the loss and paid the payment for our sins through the death of His Son (Col 2:13, 14). This is a cost greater than we will ever know.

And it is because Jesus has borne the sin of the world, paying off not only our debt but the debt of those who wronged us, we can move toward others with mercy. But we know our hearts. We know the pain of being overlooked, left out, ignored, betrayed, abandoned. And it just doesn’t feel right to grant mercy when we have hurt like that. Something, perhaps, we should do, but definitely not what we want to do. So how can we develop a heart that, like our gracious God, wants to forgive those who have wronged us? 

While there are certainly other practices we can and should employ, I believe we ought to begin with prayer. Think of someone who has wronged you in some way, whether a neighbor, friend, colleague, boss, family member, and practice praying the following: 

• Pray for a heart that delights in forgiving (Ezek 36:26). It is our hearts that desperately need changing, for it is from our hearts our motives and actions flow.
• Pray for the person who wronged you, hurt you, stole from you (Matt 5:44). Don’t just pray for revenge, but try interceding for them as you would a friend. 
• Pray and meditate on the great mercy God had on you. Ponder the depth of your sin and the extent to which God has shown you grace. For those who are forgiven much love much (Lk 7:47).

Think now of how our families would be impacted if we happily gave grace for the joy of restored relationship. Or how our work places might be impacted if we willingly let go of grudges. Or how marriages might strengthen with such security in mercy. Imagine what kind of light Christians could shine if we become people who delight to forgive.

I Wear Dirty Clothes

“Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. The LORD said to Satan, “The LORD rebuke you, Satan! Indeed, the LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?” Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments and standing before the angel” (Zech 3:1-3).

Picture the scene. Satan strides up to the throne of God. Full of confidence, cocky, smug. He comes ready to gloat. He comes to accuse. This time he’s got his guilty man. This time he will win.

See, unlike Job, who Satan also accused, and who God describes as blameless and upright (Job 1:8), Joshua doesn’t fare so well in God’s assessment. Nor do the people of God, for in this text Joshua, as a high priest, stands representing the nation of Judah.

Did you notice the description of Joshua’s clothing? Filthy garments. These symbolized a sinful heart marred by transgressions. Of the people of Judah God says, “The LORD was very angry with your fathers” (Zech 1:2); hence their persecution and invasion by other nations for over 70 years (Zech 1:12). So surely Satan had his man this time.

The Adversary would accuse, and God would have to concede. His people had abandoned Him. They had worshiped another. They would have to die.

So Satan sneers, ready to lash out the first accusation. But he isn’t even given a chance to speak.

For Joshua is to be a recipient of mercy. He is a brand, or branch, plucked from the fire. Rescued. Saved. Redeemed.

The reality is that Satan is right. Joshua, representative of all of us ultimately, is dirty with sin. We are stained. None righteous. So Satan comes to accuse us. He hates mercy, but God delights in it. And God loves giving guilty people grace. He loves pulling us from the fire.

Joshua did nothing to get rescued. A dry branch cannot avoid destruction in the midst of flames. Not even a branch drenched in water can escape a blazing fire, which is what many of us try, thinking our good works will cleanse and cover up our broken, marred hearts.

I often struggle with feeling condemned, with being bombarded of thoughts of being less, or of not living up to some standard. The truth is I am. I stand guilty. I have not lived up to God’s standards. I have failed Him. I have dirtied myself with rebellion and sin. Pop culture and many counselors might tell me to combat these thoughts and perhaps reframe them in a positive light somehow.

But I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to say, Amen. I stand helpless before God the Creator. And as Satan and his cohort come to accuse me, God steps in. “She’s mine, and there’s nothing you can do. Dare you condemn whom I have chosen!” Mercy.

Seeing how God defends us makes Paul’s words sink in deeper, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1). No, I suppose not. When the only One who can legitimately sentence us decides to pardon us and gift us with the death and resurrection of His Son (plucking us from the fires of hell), who else can stand against us? When God silences the Accuser, who else stands to speak?

So I’m learning to discern the voice of the enemy and the voice of my Advocate. I’m first learning to accept as true my guilt. Many of the thoughts that come against me are in fact accurate. But instead of a period following the accusation there is a comma followed by the words but God-“but God being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)” (Eph 2:4, 5).

Do you feel condemned? Perhaps instead of fighting the thoughts, the first step is to acknowledge them. To come before God ,helpless and dirty. We have an enemy who knows we are dirty. But God is stronger. He silences him. Let the words of God shut him up on your behalf, “Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us” (Rom 8:33, 34).

Rather than convince ourselves we aren’t good enough, let God quiet those thoughts with grace. We do deserve death. We are wrong. But we are loved. Undeserving of the grace we have been given. But as we humble ourselves in the presence of His love we will be continually changed by His mercy.